


Photograph

by orphan_account



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, Domestic, F/F, Marriage, Small mention of Lauren Cheney
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:28:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23503114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Can they make their way back from an argument or will it ruin their marriage?
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 8
Kudos: 146





	Photograph

**Author's Note:**

> IB : Photograph by Ed Sheeran

“Liv? Sum? Are you almost ready?” Tobin’s voice echoed through the mostly vacant apartment. 

“We’re coming, Mama.” Her eldest daughter shouted, louder than necessary, before rounding the corner. 

Olivia came around the corner carrying her rucksack, trying not to drop the pyramid of presents in her arms. Tobin had to shake her head and chuckle at the sight. 

“Come here, Liv. We can just put them in a bag.” She rummaged through the empty cupboards until she found a plastic bag.    
  
“But I want to carry them. I’m strong.” 

“I know you are, but it’s going to make it so much easier.” Tobin saw the disapproving look on her seven-year-old daughter’s face, “Why don’t I carry your rucksack and you take the bag with presents.” 

Olivia’s wheels were turning in her head, trying to think of a solution. “Hm, okay.” She passed the rucksack to Tobin, placing the presents in the plastic bag. 

“Do you think Mommy is going to like the presents?” She wandered, wide eyes looking up at Tobin.

Tobin hugged her daughter, kissing her hair. “She’s going to love them, I know she will.” She nodded, reassuring Olivia. “What’s taking Summer so long?” 

Olivia shrugged, following her mother into her younger sister’s room. Summer was sitting in the middle of her room, playing with her favorite toy - the stuffed bear that Tobin bought her when she was born. 

“Come on Sum, we have to go.” She picked her younger daughter up and carried Summer on her right hip. 

“Have you got everything?” Summer nodded, dropping her face onto Tobin’s shoulder. 

Olivia picked up Summer’s rucksack, carrying it to the door. She passed it to Tobin as her mother grabbed the keys from the kitchen counter. 

She shut her apartment door, locking up, before letting out a sigh as she looked at the downtown apartment complex. 

Tobin hates her apartment. She’s hated it ever since she started renting the apartment out a month and a half ago. 

The walls are white - missing the art she’s drawn and the family photographs on them. Her bedroom has nothing but a bed, television and closet in - missing Christen’s make-up draw, the extra cupboard and the decoration. The living room had only a sofa and television - missing the soft rugs, game console and small fireplace. The kitchen was small - missing the kitchen island, the self-designed counters and the warm, grayish color on the walls. Her cupboards were mostly empty, apart from a number of dishes and glasses for her and the girls, as well as some food stocked up in the fridge. 

The only lively aspect of the apartment were Olivia and Summer’s bedrooms. She wanted to make sure that they loved them. 

Olivia’s was painted in a royal shade of yellow. She had a bed, small desk and a row of paintings on the wall. Olivia loved painting with Tobin, so they’d spent an afternoon over the past month creating art to hang up on the walls. 

Summer’s bedroom was painted baby pink. She had a bed, also wanting a small desk as she wants to be  _ just like Livvy. _ In the corner of her room was a large box filled with toys Tobin had invested in. 

“Are you coming with us Mama?” Summer was a smart kid, even if she was only five years old, which Christen always argued was due to her mother being a Stanford alumni.

Tobin nodded, “We’re gonna go drop you off at home, ok?” 

The younger girl frowned, “But I want you to stay Mama.” 

“We’ll get to see Mommy. I bet she’s missed you a lot.” Tobin argued, pulling into the suburban neighborhood. 

Tobin parks the car in the driveway, opening the backdoors of the car before getting the rucksacks and present bag out of the car. Olivia was already at the door, running into Christen’s arms. Summer was trying her best to keep up with her sister, struggling to run quite as fast. 

“I’ve missed my two girls so much”, Christen closed her eyes, pulling both girls into a tight hug. 

Olivia looked up at her mother, “Mommy, I got you presents for christmas but you’re not allowed to see them yet.” 

“You got me presents cutie?” Olivia nodded with a shy smile. “Mama helped me pick them.” 

Christen looked up at Tobin and gave her a soft smile. Tobin took the moment to take in the sight of her wife.    
  
She was dressed in casual clothing, wearing black nike sweatpants that Tobin could have sworn were hers accompanied with a white re-inc shirt. Tobin internally shook her head,  _ how can someone wear sweatpants and still look drop-dead gorgeous.  _

It was on the tip of her tongue to tell Christen just how gorgeous she looked, her hair down with natural waves, when she spoke up again. 

“Why don’t you guys give Mama a hug and drop your bags off upstairs?” The girls nodded, walking over to Tobin and saying their goodbyes. 

Once they were out of earshot Christen turned to her wife, “Thank you so much for looking after them Tobin. I really appreciate it.” 

“You don’t have to thank me Christen, they’re my kids too.” Tobin almost scoffs.

“That’s not what- That’s not what I- I know they’re your kids too.” Christen wants to hit herself at her own choice of words. 

“How was New York?” Tobin asked in a slightly softer voice. 

Christen nodded, “Yeah, it was good. Busy but good. I have a few ideas for some changes, but I’ll just send them on the group text later.” 

Tobin hummed in response, “No rush, just take the day off. The girls missed you so I’m sure they’ll want to spend some time with you”  _ I missed seeing you too.  _

They stood in awkward silence for a moment, “I should probably get going. I still have some stuff to finish off.” 

“So I’ll see you on Christmas?” Christen questioned.

Tobin looked taken aback by the request, “Oh, I thought you’d just be spending it with the girls. I’ve had them for the past two weeks and you haven’t really had a chance to see them so I assumed they’d just be spending Christmas with you.”

Tobin looked away, missing the way Christen’s face dropped. 

“You can come if you want Tobin. You don’t have to spend Christmas by yourself.”   
  


“No, really. It’s fine.” Tobin insisted.   
  
“Oh. Okay. If you’re sure. Well, I’ll see you next week then?” 

Tobin nodded, “I’ll pick them up normal time.”

Christen hesitantly waved Tobin goodbye, watching her go as she walked towards the car. 

She’d just got back from a stressful week filled with work for their new re-inc line. Christen had stayed in New York for ten nights, not getting the chance to see her daughters over the time. She hated being away, especially this close to Christmas, but at least she knew they were in good hands. The  _ best  _ hands. 

Christen leaned against the wall, sighing at the thought of it. 

She knew that it was her fault Tobin was pulling out of the driveway right now instead of being inside the house, well mostly her fault anyway, but she was too stubborn to ever admit it. 

\-------

_ Two months ago : _ _  
  
_

_ Christen was in the middle of a board meeting with Grassroots Soccer when her phone rang.  _

_ Her day had been going terrible up until this point.  _

_ She had a stressful morning trying to get Olivia to school on time, her first meeting ran long as the ambassador turned up later so she didn’t have any time for lunch and now she was stuck in a meeting that had already run over an hour longer.  _

_ When she saw it was Olivia’s school calling, she instantly panicked. She quickly excused herself saying she had to take this phone call as it was her daughter’s school. Her boss was as understanding as ever, granting her permission to take it.  _

_ “Hello?” _ _  
  
_

_ “Hello, is this Mrs Christen Heath speaking?”  _

_ “Yes, this is she.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Olivia’s class finished twenty minutes ago and there’s still been no one to pick her up. She said you had to work today so we tried contacting your wife but we didn’t get a response.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I’ll be there as quickly as I can.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “No rush Mrs Heath, we’ll keep her with the children that do the after school club.” _

_ “Thank you so much. I’ll be right there.”  _

_ Christen hung up, dialing Tobin’s number.  _

_  
_ _ When there was no response by the third call she started getting angry.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Tobin, what the hell could you possibly be doing right now.” She whispered to herself. _

_ Christen walked back into the meeting, her boss questioning her if everything is alright. _

_ “There’s been a small emergency with my daughter. Would I be able to excuse myself and pick her up from school?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yes of course. No problem. I’ll email you with the rest of the details, but this meeting shouldn’t take much longer anyway.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She rushes to pick Olivia up from school, being furious by the time she reaches their house and sees that Tobin’s car is parked in the driveway.  _

_ Tobin opens the door, apologising to Christen right away saying the school left her a voicemail.  _

_ Christen sends Olivia and Summer upstairs, pulling Tobin into the kitchen.  _

_ “What were you doing, that was so important, that you couldn’t pick Olivia up from school?” Christen shook her head, “Not just that, but apparently you couldn’t even call them to say you’d be late or text me to pick her up.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Tobin looked up at Christen with guilt written across her face, “Look, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”  _

_ “What, you think sorry is going to fix this? Apart from me worrying about Olivia being left by herself, you should be apologising to your seven year old daughter that was left at school.” Christen was yelling, causing Tobin’s eyes to widen.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Christen never yells. She hates arguments and is always quick to talk it out instead of dragging them on.  _

_ “I was at the park with Summer and we lost track of time. I saw what time it was and went to call the school, but then realised that I left my phone at home. We came back here as quick as we could but they’d already contacted me then to say you were picking her up.” _

_ “You can’t just go to the park and forget about your other daughter Tobin. There’s two of them you know, not just one.”  _

_ “I know, I-” Tobin didn’t have a chance to finish her sentence before Christen cut in.  _

_ “Gosh Tobin, grow up. The one day that I actually have to go into work for meetings, you can’t even pick your own daughter up from school. Stop being childish and act like an adult if you actually want to raise kids. You have to take adult responsibilities too. Raising a child isn’t just about taking them to the park or playing with them.” Christen knew she crossed a line the moment that words had left her mouth.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She didn’t think like that. She didn’t think like that at all. But with her stressful day and worry for her daughter, she’d lost it and said words she definitely shouldn’t have.  _

_ Christen saw Tobin’s tears streaming down her face, her lip quivering to hold her sobs back.  _

_ “Fuck Tobs, I shouldn’t have- “ _

_ Tobin couldn’t take it anymore, “Well at least now I know what you really think.” She let out in a heartbroken tone.  _

_ “Tobin-” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She shook her head, “I can’t do this. I have to go.”  _

_ Tobin drove to Lauren’s house that night. She refused to tell her anything, but Lauren did her best to help, holding her close whilst she cried. _

_ Later that night she sent a text out to Christen. She knew she was making a mistake the minute she sent it, but was too heartbroken to acknowledge it at the time.  _

**_Tobs :_ ** _ I think I need some space. Let me know when I can see the girls please.  _

_ Christen’s tears soaked her pillow that night. She never once doubted Tobin’s skills to be a parent, yet she’d just insulted Tobin’s biggest insecurity. She fell asleep that night, clutching Tobin’s pillow, knowing she had to give space to Tobin if she asked for it.  _

_ Knowing she’d just hurt the woman she’d been married to for the past nine years didn’t make it any easier.  _

_ When Tobin said she needed space, Christen assumed she’d mean a weekend or long weekend, but not more than two weeks. She was at work when her already broken heart seemed to shatter even more.  _

**_Tobs :_ ** _ Hey. I’ve got an apartment downtown now. Would it be ok if I take the girls tonight? _

**_Chris :_ ** _ Yeah, sure. They’re with Tyler as I’m at work. Just pick them up whenever.  _

_ Christen stopped breathing at Tobin’s words. ‘I have an apartment downtown now’. Her thoughts were running wild.  _ Was Tobin moving on? Would Tobin be wanting to talk about divorce soon? 

_ Christen couldn’t imagine losing the love of her life, and the images in her head at the chance of Tobin being with someone else were heavily upsetting.  _

_ What she didn’t know was that Tobin thought Christen didn’t want to save their marriage. Christen never once protested Tobin’s need for space or her staying somewhere else. In fact, she hadn’t mentioned it since she first found out she was staying at Lauren’s house. The fact that Christen’s stubbornness got in the way of her apologising, also made Tobin think that she really did believe Tobin was too childish to raise their daughters.  _

_ And that, broke Tobin’s heart almost as much as going to sleep by herself every night and coming home to an empty apartment.  _

_ \------- _

Telling their family was the hardest part. There’d been a mixture of confusion and shock, but neither woman revealed anything. 

\-------

_ “Chris, how come you’re picking the girls up today? It’s usually my only chance to have a chat with Tobin by herself.” Stacy pulled her daughter into a hug.  _

_ When Christen and Tobin both had re-inc work to do, Tobin would usually pick the girls up in the afternoon. Christen would drop off in the morning, having a cup of coffee with her mother before heading out.  _

_ Stacy loves Tobin like her own daughters, so she’d get dinner and an in-depth chat in the afternoons.  _

_ “Oh, ehm, because they’re staying with me tonight?” Christen stated it was obvious, forgetting that ther family wasn’t aware of the separation.  _

_ “Is Tobin away?” Stacy questioned with a raised eyebrow. _

_ “No? She’s at her place I think.” Stacy shook her head, showing Christen she wasn’t understanding.  _

_ “Oh. OH. I haven’t told you yet…” Christen recognised. _

_ “Haven’t told me what?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She bit her lip, trying to push her emotions down again.  _

_ “Ehm, me and Tobin are separated I guess? She has an apartment downtown now, so the girls are staying there tomorrow night.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Stacy’s eyes widened, “YOU ARE WHAT? What? Why? What happened? Since when?” _

_ Christen was suddenly feeling overwhelmed, “For three weeks now. She got the apartment about a week ago and was living at Lauren’s before that.” _

_ “What happened? You didn’t kick her out, did you?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Christen was shocked that her mother would even think that. “God, no. I would never do that.” She sighed, “I’m not ready to talk about what happened. Where are the girls?”  _

_ Stacy was hesitant but decided that it wasn’t her place to get involved in their relationship. They were both in their thirties and had kids, so they were more than capable of talking to each other. They’d been together for the past fourteen years after all, so they knew what the other needed better than anyone else. _

_ “They’re out the back. I’ll tell them to get ready.”  _

_ \------- _

Christmas morning was hard. 

Tobin woke up, instantly regretting even opening an eye. She missed the smell of Christen making chocolate chip pancakes on Christmas morning and the sound of Olivia and Summer running down the stairs to check if Santa had brought them any presents. 

There were no children jumping on her bed, trying to wake her up. No Christen pulling them down to give them a tight hug and there definitely wasn’t a feeling of love or happiness in the room. 

She hadn’t even put up a christmas tree this year, not really feeling like she had anything to celebrate. 

Tobin gets lost thinking about the previous Christmas. 

\-------

_ “Mommy. Mama. Santa’s been here.” Olivia jumps up and down on the bed, being way too awake for 5:00am.  _

_ “Santa? Who’s Santa?” Tobin jokes, earning an eye roll from Olivia.  _

_ “Don’t be silly Mama. Come on, we have to see what he got us.” Olivia holds both her arms out, waiting to drag her mothers downstairs.  _

_ “Mama. Mommy. Santa.” Their four year old joins in on the commotion, acting like she knew what her sister was talking about.  _

_ Christen pulled Olivia’s arm down, wrapping her into a tight hug before doing the same with Summer.  _

_ Their youngest daughter giggles as Christen reaches her arm out, trying to include Tobin in the group hug.  _

_ “Well, I guess we should see what Santa brought shouldn’t we?”  _

_ Both girls nodded with excitement, causing the adults to laugh.  _

_ They jump off the bed, already making their way down the stairs.  _

_ Christen rolls over in the bed, intertwining her fingers with Tobins. “Merry Christmas, baby.”  _

_ She kissed her sweetly until they both smiled.  _

_ “I love you so much,” Tobin stated, looking into Christen’s eyes. “I’m so lucky to spend every day with my three favorite girls.”  _

_ “I love you too. All three of us do.” Christen jumped out of bed, pulling Tobin with her. _

_ They started making chocolate chip pancakes once the girls were busy playing with their new presents. Tobin brought a plate with a stack of them over to the sofa, Christen bringing in the drinks. They got settled on the sofa, just happy to watch their girls have fun and play games with them.  _

_ The early morning took a toll on them, leading to their annual Christmas nap. It usually consisted of Christen clinging to one side of Tobin, Olivia on the other and Summer laying mostly on top of her.  _

_ She’d never admit to anyone apart from her wife, but Christmas day naps would always be her favorite.  _

_ \------- _

Tobin’s pillow was soaked in tears, imagining the same routine taking place without her. 

She pulls her phone out, looking at pictures of her three girls together. 

There were some from last year's Christmas, all of them taking a goofy selfie in front of their Christmas tree. They had their Christmas pyjamas on with beaming smiles on their faces. Christen had Olivia on her back, her arm being wrapped around Tobin. Tobin had Summer draped on her left hip, holding the phone with her right hand. 

_ How I’d kill to have a moment like that now. Why was I ever so stupid? How could I forget to pick up my own daughter? _

Little did Tobin know that Christen’s morning wasn’t looking much brighter. 

Sure, Olivia and Summer still ran into her room way too early and woke her up. And sure, she still pulled them down into a tight hug being excited about Christmas. But her heart felt like it dropped off a skyscraper when she reached past Olivia, trying to pull her wife in. When all she found was an empty space, she remembered that they were in fact still separated and that stupidly enough she hadn’t tried harder to get Tobin over for Christmas. 

It got even harder when she was the only one walking down the stairs, not having to pull her wife down, who usually lifted Christen up at the bottom of the stairs and brought her over to the sofa bridal style.    
  
She plastered on a half-fake, half-genuine smile as her daughters opened their presents. Pretending not to feel the sting when making pancakes by herself instead of having her arms wrapped around Tobin’s waist from behind. 

She was quickly reminded about Tobin not being there when Olivia giggled, “I love your pancakes Mommy, but they’ll never be as good as Mama’s.” 

Christen couldn’t even argue. She’d been eating Tobin’s pancakes for years and they still seemed to get better every time. “Mama’s pancakes are pretty great, aren’t they?” She earned a nod from both girls. 

“Where’s Mama?” Summer looked up in question. 

“I don’t think she’s coming today sweetheart.” Christen ran her hand through Summer’s hair.    
  
The little girl picked at her pancake, “I miss Mama”. Olivia hummed and nodded in agreement. “Me too girls, me too.”

Tobin spent all of ten minutes in bed, recalling her and Christen’s conversation the other day. 

_ “You can come if you want”  _

  
She hopped out of bed, showering in record time and throwing on sweatpants and a hoodie before getting in her car. 

It wasn’t long before Christen heard a knock on the door. “I’ll be right back”

She walked to the front door, pulling it open and feeling a small bit of hope at seeing who was stood at her door. “Hey”, she said softly. 

“Hey. Uhm, I woke up and I really miss the girls and I’m not used to spending Christmas without them and I just really needed to see them. I hope that’s not a problem.” 

Christen smiled at Tobin’s rambling, “That’s never a problem. Come in. We just finished breakfast, but we have some pancakes left if you want them.”   
  
Tobin nodded, “That would be great, thank you.”   
  


“MAMA”, she heard a little voice shout before two girls were clinging onto her tightly. 

Tobin laughed as she pulled them into her.  _ Yeah, this is what I needed today.  _

“Guess who brought presents?” 

Summer looked uncertain before it clicked, “You?” 

“That’s right, Sum. I’ll just grab them from the car.” 

She headed out, swiftly returning with a bag of presents. She placed them under the tree, giving them permission to open them. 

Christen sat down next to her on the sofa, passing her a plate of pancakes before reaching under the tree and passing a neatly wrapped present to Tobin. 

“So, I got you this back in August and was unsure on whether to give you it or not but I figured that I can’t have you being here on Christmas without getting a present.” Christen’s voice was small, as if she was afraid of Tobin opening the present. 

“Thank you.” Tobin smiled, taking the present. Under the wrapping was a beautifully decorated folder. On the outside it had the writing ‘ _ Heath Family Photo album’  _ written on it in Christen’s writing. 

“It’s this photo album filled with memories over the years. I know you’ve been wanting one and how much you love photographs so when I ordered it I thought it would be perfect.” 

Tobin gave her a grateful look, “Thank you so much. This really means a lot, Christen. I’ll have a look through it tonight.” She knew that if she’d open it now, she was guaranteed to cry and she didn’t want to ruin their Christmas by being upset. 

“Um I actually got you something too. I don’t know if you’ll want it or not so that’s up to you but I thought I’d give it to you anyway.” Tobin reached into her bag, pulling out a small envelope. 

Christen opened it, seeing a voucher inside a card, looking up at her in confusion. 

“Okay, so I booked this as a romantic getaway for us back in Summer. It’s supposed to be for five days over your birthday and new years. I originally booked us one of these little lodges but then I realised you might still want to go so I upgraded it to a bigger one in case you want to take the girls. So yeah, it’s totally up to you. I understand if you don’t want to go, it’s not really anything special, but if you want you can take the girls or I don’t know, if you decide you want to take someone else I can babysit the girls.” Tobin almost choked on her own breath at the thought of Christen taking  _ someone  _ else. Her jaw went tight and she had to take a deep breath, trying to ground herself again. 

“This is in Lakeport,” Tobin nodded as confirmation, “this is where-”

Christen didn’t get to finish her sentence, “Where we met.” Tobin confirmed. 

Christen blinks back the tears threatening to spill down the cheeks. 

_ What if I want to take Tobin with me?  _

_ I can’t tell her that- She obviously doesn’t want that, otherwise she would have offered. She asked for space, so I have to respect that.  _

“Like I said, it’s fine if you don’t want to go. Also just ignore the card. They’re printed on the voucher so I couldn’t exactly leave it out without accidentally ripping it.” 

Christen just nodded in response, still trying to keep her emotions in. She looked up at Tobin. 

“Thank you, really.” She pulled Tobin in for a hug.  _ This definitely isn’t helping my emotions.  _

It was the first time Tobin and Christen had any sort of physical contact with each other since the separation. Christen tried her hardest not to pull Tobin even closer and never let go. Tobin had to do her best to keep her feelings at bay and avoid doing something stupid like pulling back and kissing Christen. They both closed their eyes, taking in each other’s familiar scents for the first time in two months. 

\-------

The games and fun of the day had stopped. Tobin had gone back to her downtown apartment. Summer had passed out two hours ago and Olivia just fell asleep in bed. 

Christen was laying on the couch, glass of wine in hand and a sting in her chest. Every night without the brunette seemed to get harder. 

She longed for Tobin to be there at night - and throughout the day - which didn’t get much easier after spending a full day with the woman she missed more than anything. 

Christen went to the kitchen to refill her glass of wine.  _ I’m going to need the whole bottle tonight if I want any chance of relaxing.  _

As she sat back down on the sofa, she spotted the red envelope on the coffee table. 

She sighs, picking it up again. Tears form in her eyes as she thinks about Tobin booking it. 

_ Why did I let everything get so out of hand?  _

She opened the card and studied the voucher carefully, noticing the edge of the second page of the card coming off slightly. It had a simple message on it.

_ Merry Christmas, Christen.  _

_ I hope it’s a good one.  _

_ All my love,  _

_ Tobin.  _

Tobin’s words from earlier came flooding back to her. _ ‘Just ignore the card’ _

_ Why did she need me to ignore that? _

As she carefully looked at it again a second time, she noticed a faint row of letters appearing from the lighting. 

She peeled at the edge of the paper, realising that Tobin must have stuck a piece of paper over the top of it to cover it up. 

Christen couldn’t help herself. She carefully pulled the paper off, revealing the message underneath it. 

It was a longer one, typed in a beautiful font with flowers around the outside of the card. 

She has another sip of wine before reading it.

_ To the love of my life,  _

_ Merry Christmas.  _

_ Christen, you’re my soulmate, best friend, wife, mother of my children and the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You make me smile by just looking at me, especially when you try to wink, and you make the happiest person alive every single day. It’s been nearly fifteen years since we met and I still get butterflies everytime I see you. I remember the first time I laid eyes on you so clearly. You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen and you still are. I’m still speechless at the fact you’ve agreed to spend the rest of my life with you but I couldn’t be more excited about what’s to come for us. I never thought I’d believe in love at first sight, but you changed everything.  _

_ I remember the day you told me you loved me like it was yesterday. We were lying on the beach and I just couldn’t stop looking at you. You were so relaxed and happy and looked so beautiful. When you turned to me with a smile and said ‘I love you’, I felt like everything just fell into place. After that day, I knew you were the ONE. I knew that there was no one else I would want to spend the rest of my life with.  _

_ Even now, you still make me feel loved and needed every day. I remember the day you told me you were pregnant after months of trying IVF. It was one of the happiest and scariest days of my life. For the full nine months, and still now, I’ve always been so worried that I’m not going to be a good mother. That I won’t know what to do, that I’ll mess up or that I’m just not cut out to be a mother. But you reassured me every time. Every single time, you make me believe in myself and that is one of the things I’m the most grateful for.  _

_ My favorite things will forever be waking up next to you, falling asleep next to you and spending time as a family of four.  _

_ I would move the world just to make you and the girls happy. I still can’t believe that after all these years, I still fall further in love with you every day and you still haven’t realised that you could be with someone so much better.  _

_ I hope this romantic getaway was a good idea. If you’d rather spend the time here with the girls then that’s fine too, I can cancel it. Or we could upgrade it and take the girls, like we always said we would one day. I know you hate surprises but I hope this one was okay.  _

_ I love you so unbelievably much, baby.  _

_ From your wife, aka Tobin.  _

By the time Christen had finished reading the card, she had tears filling the page and her eyes were stinging.

She falls asleep on the sofa that night - the card in her hand. 

\-------

Tobin got to her apartment after spending Christmas with her three girls at 8:00pm. 

She pulls her clothes off and goes straight to bed, reflecting on how the day went. 

Suddenly, she remembers the present Christen gifted her. She stands up and pulls it out of her bag. 

Her fingers trace the writing on the front, feeling a lump form at the words ‘Heath Family’. 

She opens the folder, recognising the first picture in an instant. 

It was a photograph of her and Christen on their first vacation together. They looked so happy that it made Tobin smile. 

She flicked through the multiple pages, crying a mixture of happy and sad tears at the memories. 

There were pictures of their wedding, their honeymoon, Olivia as a newborn, Christen’s pregnancies, Olivia’s first time holding Summer, their first photo as a family or four and the selfie from last year's Christmas. 

  
  


The pictures filled up almost the full album, spreading across pages and pages. 

By the time Tobin sees the last page, she’s exhausted from emotions. The last space for a picture is blank with a small sentence written on it. 

_ Here’s to more memories. I love you forever and ever.  _

Tobin reaches for her phone before she’s registered what she’s doing. 

She pulls up her string of messages with Christen and types out a short but meaningful one. 

_ I love you so much and I miss you.  _

She doesn’t let herself send it. 

Instead, she traces her finger along one of the recent pictures of them and falls asleep. Holding onto the picture tightly, as if it might disappear if she doesn’t. 

\--------

_ Christen hears a knock on the front door.  _

_ “I think Mama is here.” She shouts to Olivia, who excitedly starts making her way downstairs.  _

_ It was Olivia’s twelfth birthday today and they’d decided to throw a party for the family, leaving one with friends for the next week,  _

_ She opens the door, still getting excited every time she sees Tobin.  _

_ Despite the emotions and sadness she still feels every time she sees Tobin, she understands why Tobin filed for divorce and it was a mutual decision in the end.  _

_ Even if it took multiple hours of therapy sessions for her to come to terms with the loss of marriage.  _

_ Still, Christen still fell more in love with Tobin every time she saw her and kept a tiny spark of hope in her heart that maybe, just maybe, Tobin would be willing to try again one day.  _

_ As soon as she opens the door, her heart is ripped out of her chest.  _

_ “Hey, Chris” Tobin says in a cheery voice, standing next to a skinny, blonde woman.  _

_ “Hey, Tob-” She doesn’t get to finish her sentence, as Olivia is already throwing herself at the two women.  _

_ “MAMA! SOPHIA!”  _

_ The wheels are spinning in Christen’s head  _ Sophia? Who is Sophia?

_ Tobin speaks up before Christen gets the chance to ask. “Babe, this is Christen. Chris, this is Sophia, my girlfriend.”  _

_ Her world stands still for a second. She can hear the blood rushing through her head and that tiny spark of hope setting on fire just to burn her heart.  _

_ “Oh”, she stands frozen until she realises how rude she’s being. “It’s nice to meet you”, she gives the woman a forced smile, shaking her hand and letting them inside.  _

_ Christen puts her hand on Tobin’s shoulder, “I just need to get something from upstairs. I’ll be back in a minute.”  _

_ Tobin nods at her, pulling Sophia into the living room and rambling on about something Christen doesn’t bother catching.  _

_ She sprints up the steps to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She leans against it, slowly sliding down it.  _

Breathe Christen. Just breathe. Four seconds in, four seconds out.  _ She recalls what her therapist tells her when she has a panic attack.  _

_ She gets up, grabbing her phone from the bed her and Tobin used to share. With one slide she unlocks it and dials a number she knows by heart.  _

_ “Chris, relax. I’m sure whatever you’re stressing out about at the party right now is fine and we’re nearly there anyway” Stacy’s voice rings through the phone.  _

_ “Mom, she- she met someone.” Christen breaks down, “She met someone and she’s here.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh honey. I love you so much and wish I could protect you from something like this, but you knew this could happen. The minute you signed those divorce papers, you weren’t together anymore. It’s been years, it was bound to happen. That doesn’t make it any easier, but this happens sweetheart.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “But I still love her mom. I love her so much, and I know I’ll never stop.” _

Christen stirs uncomfortably in her sleep. 

She sits up in a panic, breathing rapidly. Those words come to her mind again. 

_ Breathe Christen. Just breathe. Four seconds in, four seconds out.  _

Once she’s got her breathing under control, she lets her eyes trace the door. Christen lets out a deep sigh when she realises that it’s still the same. 

There’s no divorce papers. No ex-wives and no birthday parties. But with that, there’s also no Tobin. 

Christen rolls over on the sofa and reaches out to her phone, picking it up and leaving to go to bed. 

She stumbles slightly, having gotten up too fast, but steadies herself again. 

As she crawls under the sheets, she’s reminded of how cold they are without Tobin there. 

It might have been the slight buzz of alcohol left in her or simply the overflowing emotions of the day, but she pulls her phone out and dials Tobin’s contact anyway. 

She hadn’t checked the time, so to no surprise, her 3am phone call went through to voicemail. 

She sighs in slight disappointment, knowing there’s a likely chance she won’t be brave enough to call in the morning. 

Christen starts recording a voicemail, but realises she was being stupid before finishing it. Her tired and buzzed state, causing her to forget that the voicemail still goes through if you hang up.

\--------

Tobin wakes up in the morning with a headache, the picture still in hand. 

She gets up to pour a cup of coffee, taking the photo album with her. As she looks through the pictures a second time, she decides that she wanted to call Olivia and Summer. Maybe they’d want to FaceTime or even spend some time together today. Apart from Christen, one of the things she misses most is seeing the bright smiles of her daughters everyday. 

When she unlocks her phone, her eyebrows furrow as she sees a voicemail from Christen. 

Tobin takes a deep breath, calling her voicemail. She smiles to herself when she hears Christen’s raspy and confused voice. Tobin knew this Christen way too well. It was the one that had a stressful day or wanted to hide emotions, but ended up drinking anyway. She never drank enough to get drunk though. She always remembered what happened the next morning and she always made sure she’d still be able to look after the girls. 

_ Hey. You’re not answering your phone so I guess you might be asleep or something. I don’t know. I just wanted to tell you something, something that I needed you to know. I don’t want you to think that this is a way of me trying to make you stay with me - even though that is what I want. I understand if you don’t want that and I just want you to be happy, even if that means losing you.  _

There’s a quick pause, as if Christen has to gather her thoughts first. 

_ Tobin, I love you so fucking much. Even when we’re not together, my love for you just seems to keep getting stronger. And I miss you even more than that. Every. Single. Day. I miss falling asleep next to you, living my life with you, sharing my dreams with you, planning our future together, having you around all of the time, waking up with you, having you steal food from my plate, cuddling with you, kissing you. All of it. But most of all, I miss the way you love me and show it. Living without you hurts me so much that-  _

The voice on the other end cuts off, quickly reappearing in a stressed tone. 

_ What are you doing Christen? You’re supposed to be giving Tobin space right now, just like she asked for. Nice job at respecting that one.  _

The line goes silent this time and Tobin almost hangs up, until a quiet whisper comes through the other end of the line. She probably wouldn’t have heard it, if it wasn’t for the echo of the quiet apartment. 

_ Please please please don’t ever meet someone else. I don’t think my heart could handle that. I’ll never stop loving you.  _ Christen’s eyes widened as the past few months hit her.  _ Fuck, you’ve lost the love of your life Christen. I can’t send this message, it’s not fair on Tobin. Now how do I delete it, damn it.  _

Christen’s words were so quiet that Tobin had to hold the phone even closer to hear them. 

She doesn’t even shower before she grabs her car keys and runs out the door.

_ I need to fix this. Right now. Once and for all. I need to either settle it or we have to come up with another solution. This run around isn’t doing either of us any good.  _

Just short of ten minutes later, she pulls into the familiar driveway, shifting the car into park and heading to the front door. 

When Christen doesn’t answer the door right away, she rings the bell a second time...and a third. 

The door pulls open to a shorter and younger version of Christen. 

“Mama?” Olivia tilts her head. 

“Olivia Heath. How many times have I told you not to open the door without me?” A voice rings through the house. 

“It’s only Mama” Olivia’s voice reassures Christen. 

She hears Christen’s voice more relaxed this time, “Mama’s here?” 

Olivia nods her head, letting Tobin inside. 

_ It’s now or never.  _

Tobin strides straight to the kitchen as Olivia goes back into the living room to play with her new toys. She looks Christen straight into the eyes as she walks over to her - never breaking eye contact. 

“Tobin? I didn’t realise you were coming today.” Christen smiled, still pleased to see Tobin. 

Tobin just places her hands on her wife’s cheeks and pulls her into a deep kiss. 

Christen’s lips are frozen and hesitant at first, until they relax into Tobin’s and kiss her back, equally as hard. 

When they’re both out of breath, Tobin rests their foreheads against each other. 

“I love you so much too and I miss you too. Every day. I can’t do this without you anymore.” She places another peck onto Christen’s lips. “Please can we sit down and try to talk this out?” 

Christen nods eagerly, “Liv, please could you go and play upstairs? Mama and me just have something to discuss, then you can come back down.”   
  
Olivia agrees, grabbing some of her presents and taking them upstairs. 

“Summer is still down. She woke up for breakfast and then went straight back to sleep.” Christen chuckled as she told Tobin. 

She passed her wife a cup of coffee, sitting down opposite her with her own. 

“I’m sorry” They say simultaneously after a long moment of silence. 

“Sorry, you go first.” Tobin encourages.

“I’m really, really, deeply sorry. I’ve been wanting to tell you that since the day we had the fight, but then you walked out - which I don’t blame you for, I would have probably done the same - and then I was just too stubborn to. I should have never said that. I don’t even know why I said that. It’s not what I think, I’ve never ever thought that. It hasn’t even crossed my mind.” 

“Chris, it really hurt me.” Tobin placed her face in her hands for a short moment, “It just really upset me. I’ve never let that happen before and I wouldn’t ever let it happen on purpose, we were just having fun at the park so I lost track of time. I could have lived with you being mad at me for that, but then you brought up the whole adult thing and it broke me. You’ve always known that it’s my biggest insecurity, so I thought you would have known that it would upset me.”   
  
“You’re an amazing mother, Tobin. I hope you know that.” Christen reached her hand out for Tobin’s, “I’ve never once doubted your ability to raise or look after the girls.”    
  
She shook her head, “I don’t even know why I exploded like that. I had a terrible day and I know that doesn’t excuse things. And if I’m being honest, it’s happened to me before too. You were in Chicago for a re-set the table event and I completely forgot to pick Olivia up.” 

“You’ve always been the one person that reassured me that I was doing a good job, and then you turned it against me. I don’t want to get stuck in the past, but please promise me to never say anything like that again.” 

“I would never Tobs.” Christen figured that they needed to lay everything on the table whilst they were here. “It was so hard to hear that you got an apartment. I was so upset and just wanted you home.”

Tobin agrees, telling her why she got it and why she didn’t discuss coming home with Christen. 

“By the way, I got your voicemail.” Tobin looks up at Christen for a reaction. 

“My voi-- OH...I didn’t mean to send you that.” She bit her lip, looking at Tobin nervously. 

Tobin gets up from her seat, walking to Christen and pulling her into a tight hug.

“Why did I let things get this bad?” Christen pulls Tobin tighter.

“Chris, don’t do that. This wasn’t your fault. It was both of us.” Tobin sighs, “We should have spoken about it. Yes you said some things that hurt me, but I should have never walked out. I should have never left you and then texted you for space. I should have given you a chance to talk.”    
  
Christen pulls back, kissing Tobin. “I love you” 

“I love you too”

“I’m so sorry I ever upset you baby. Please come home?” 

Tobin leans in for another kiss, letting her actions speak for her. 

**Author's Note:**

> There's bound to be a million and one mistakes in this so I apologise in advance. All mistakes are mine.   
> -  
> Edit : I just realised how weird the spaces are in this. It comes up normal on my computer so I don't know why it does that but it won't let me fix it so we'll have to deal with it I guess.


End file.
